January 21st, 2012
>This fifth article in the series about being politically savvy in the workplace builds upon the foundational insights of the prior four articles:
Office Politics I addressed the issue of neutralizing a toxic person at your workplace instead of committing either of the two fatal errors of trying to make them a friend or treating them like an enemy. Instead, we want to neutralize their toxic affect upon the work environment.
Office Politics II showed you how to use public displays of camaraderie to neutralize the “behind your back” toxic communications.
Office Politics III suggested you use “Judo Words” to change the rules of the engagement, to neutralize your opponent by redirecting their negative attack instead of escalating the problem–a powerful concept!
Office Politics IV advised you to hesitate before you entered a battle that was not worth waging and to stay neutral in the midst of controversies that are full of drama but signify nothing.
This article looks at another technique for neutralizing a dangerous colleague in the workplace. This technique offers the possibility of once and for all turning that toxic co-worker into someone who no longer has you in their sites. They may never become your best friend but they will have chosen to drop you off the enemy list because of what I’m suggesting you consider.
Although this is not a very catchy label, I call this approach “Watch and Sacrifice.
The Watch Part
Everybody messes up! I know i have and I bet you have too. Toxic people are unhappy people. And, try as they might to remain superior to all of their co-workers, they actually mess up a lot for several reasons:
- They cannot relax and go with the flow so they resist the natural evolution of ideas and projects and often find themselves crosswise with new developments in the workplace
- They are often distracted by their problems, which are many, and miss critical details
- They do not have friends who warn them of impending danger
- They do not have friends who help them develop ideas and add the components that would make their plans golden
So, if you’re watching, you will find them get into a bind. They will need help but the people around them who might rush into offer assistance will suddenly disappear and leave them stranded with their crisis.
Before I expand on the other part of this approach, allow me to tell you how I learned this simple and possibly painful technique for neutralizing a toxic co-worker.
Working for the County
At one point in my multifaceted career, I was a statistician in charge of mass reappraisal of a county with a population of 1.5 million. That translates into a lot of homes and a lot of responsibility. I’ve always been well liked on any job with the occasional exception of a toxic co-worker who did not like anyone and let their feelings be know–over and over again. There was one such person at the county and she graciously included me in her broad smear campaign of anyone walking and breathing.
I took it as a challenge. As I thought about her and watched how she related to her colleagues (not with), it was easy to she that she didn’t have any work friends. You know what work friends are, don’t you? They don’t follow you home or go out for a drink after work but you have a good and maybe even warm relationship while at work. She didn’t have any of those. People related with her no more than they needed to.
As I searched for an approach I could use to neutralize her so she wouldn’t act so nasty toward me and would quit sniping at me behind my back, I happened to hear someone away from work quote a Bible scripture. The verse was the one where Jesus charged his disciples to “Watch and pray.” That stuck with me. But I changed it to “Watch and Sacrifice.”
I knew the day would come when the toxic one among us would need help. It didn’t take long. Sure enough, in the middle of a Friday afternoon while many county workers were slipping away for an early weekend, the watching paid off. I saw our supervisor drop off a mountain of paperwork on her desk and heard him tell her she had to complete it before she left. I heard her complain to a co-worker that today was her son’s birthday and she had plans for the afternoon and evening. But everyone around her disappeared and left her alone. With her head down and near tears, she would have been a pitiful character except it was very hard to feel any compassion for someone who consistently caused everyone around her a great deal of pain.
The Sacrifice Part
This is the hard part. This is the very hard part.
To return to my story, I casually walked over and asked what was up. She wiped her eyes and explained all the work she had to do and all about her obligation with her son. I volunteered to stay and help her get the work done. She almost fainted. She couldn’t believe someone would do that for her. You see, people like her know in some deep part of their heart that they don’t deserve kindness and help because of how they have been treating everyone. And that’s one of the reasons they act the way they do. So I stayed until six o’clock or so and helped her finish. She still had most of the evening left and ran off to a birthday outing at a pizza place. I went home to a warmed over dinner.
Now when you think about this, can you imagine how difficult it would be for her to think of me in the same way again or to treat me badly? Difficult, but not likely. And she never did talk against me after that point. We did not become friends and never related beyond acknowledging each other as we passed in the hallway. But she was neutralized through watching and sacrificing.
In Summary
This approach is very difficult to pull off. Every fiber of our being wants to gloat and say, “Good enough for them.” But that just reinforces the enmity and does not neutralize the threat to a wholesome workplace climate. If you are like me, you don’t have the emotional energy to pull this one off very many times so choose your rescues wisely.
Good luck on using this technique and be sure to read the other articles in this series.
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